The truth of the reality

 Nostalgia is a dirty liar.

 As are most of us.

I remember growing up I would always think about the future and what I wanted to do. I also remember my dad constantly telling me that one day I’d regret not living in the moment and I’d want nothing more than to turn back time.

Like always he was right.

Except this isn’t just limited to me or even my friends. It seems like everyone I know or my friends know around my age feel the same. From #throwbackthursday to 00s nights we seem to be obsessed with the past. Whether it’s casual conversations or the only thing to talk about on a first date - we’re the generation stuck in nostalgia. But surely we’re too young to be stuck in the past? In fact my dad would argue we have very little past to be stuck in. A part of me feels like the pandemic has a part to play in not giving us a chance to make new memories but also part of me feels like it’s an easy excuse. 

When I meet new people in this post pandemic world I find that I know more about what they did 5 years ago rather than what they do now or where they’re going. Simultaneously, with my friends I find us reminiscing for hours about our school days or the foundations of our friendships. And I love it. I enjoy those moments where I can reminisce about moments that make up my life. There is so much beauty in not only being able to experience amazing moments but in being able to remember them. For that reason alone I almost want to give up on the argument that we should be looking forward and not backwards because what’s the harm? But I think there’s a difference in reminiscing compared to being paralysed by the past.

Often when we talk about nostalgia we think of it through the rose tinted glasses that nostalgia itself is often viewed through. The emotion behind the word largely suggests that there’s a bittersweetness to it. In those moments when I think I am so happily stuck in nostalgia with my friends; I’m really aching for something I feel that I have lost or could not achieve again. I can also be painfully stuck in the nostalgia searching for answers to something traumatic that has occurred later down the line. Naturally, an easy example is when someone may have left your life (in any capacity) and we look for the why/clues that this was going to happen. We torture ourselves by unlocking the happy memories that we may have with this person to find the answers to questions that we will never find. When I asked what’s the harm in nostalgia - this is it. It’s the ability to replay those memories or be reminded of your past whilst you’re in your present. 

Let me affirm that shit happens. Often any experience or relationship in your life will enter and leave your timeline and you should appreciate how good it was whilst it lasted. You should also appreciate any experience because these are what make up our lives. I don’t think it\"s bad to look back at those experiences and look for faults in order to make peace with it, but I think the beauty of life is that it’s full of faults. Being stuck in nostalgia with our rose-tinted glasses means we often forget this. We forget that in that one movie like moment it was followed by a mundane or shit moment. And we shouldn’t forget those moments either. These moments are what ground us and remind us of the reality in the present but also when we look to the past. The rawness of those moments may not make you feel nostalgic but they often are the reason the past is not our present.

When I look at everyone around me, including myself, I think that we’re in danger of missing those moments in real time because we keep rewinding to the past. Although life can be painful, sad, happy and confusing, all at the same time, it’s so important for us to continue experiencing these emotions. They say if you look back, you can’t look forward. I say if you stay looking back, you’re just staying put. Nostalgia enables us to ignore our current experiences and gives us an excuse to take accountability for our reality by accusing it of not meeting the expectations of our nostalgia. We will never be happy with our lives if we are always searching for something that we have moved on from. When you’re blinded by nostalgia you can’t see the truth of the reality and without that you can’t begin to find the beauty in it. Although I clearly don’t advocate for nostalgia, the funny thing is that without being present in the moment; you will never have new nostalgia to experience in your future.

Ultimately, like with everything else in life, I think there’s a balance to be had. I just think that we’re so far into the nostalgia spectrum that we need a reality check. Particularly for the pandemic generation, we need to step back and question how we navigate our narratives for either the years we felt we lost or the time we think we gained. I can say honestly I struggled until recently with feeling nostalgic about a pre-pandemic ‘free world’, but we no longer live in that world. We live in one that we have all shared trauma through and that shouldn’t be ignored, but we also need to remember that when we thought we could lose everything we appreciated our survival. We were so appreciative of making through it each day that we should remember how grateful we were to be alive. Nostalgia didn’t keep us alive. Our awareness of our reality did.

So, don’t be one of those people who peaked at school and, when people meet you in 10 years, don’t be one of those people that they say hasn’t changed. When you’re on your next first date and you’re thinking of how they don’t live up to your ex or you’re in a new job thinking about how great your last job was - remember that the past is the past for a reason. As I’ve been screaming for years on this small space, change is not only beautiful but it’s necessary. To truly live we need to evolve and that comes with being present in your reality and pushing yourself in your future. It’s amazing that we can reflect and reminisce but don’t let your past become your identity. If you allow yourself you’ll realise that although it may not be what you dreamt of; the life you’re creating and have the ability to create for yourself is so much more beautiful than that romanticised nostalgia. 

Looking forward is scary but I for one seek my solace in knowing that I am excited by everything I am yet to experience and not limited to what I have experienced so far.