The D Word
The D word. Covers a multitude of sins and topics. But there is one specific one I want to focus on.
Now as someone of South Asian descent and being a woman; it has been incredibly difficult to decide to write this post. The notions around mental health within the South Asian community and, separately but also intertwined, the notions around women and mental health deserve their own post in order to understand the complexity and issues surrounding both topics. However, this is not that post.
Depression is not confined to one gender, faith, race, sexual orientation or anyone. WHO (World Health Organisation) estimate that around 300 million people, globally, suffer from depression. And I would be one out of those 300 million.
For years I have talked openly about my battle with anxiety, which I have suffered with for around 6 years, but the last year and a half have been a far more testing time for my mental health. Often those who suffer with anxiety find themselves going through depressive episodes, but sometimes it can further manifest into longer periods of depression.
Around January 2018 I found myself in a far more negative mindset than what I was used to. Increasingly as I headed towards March I found myself unable to leave my bed most days, the inability to either eat or the desire to eat until the point of being nauseous, and at the forefront I had no desire to live or for life. I found myself unexplainably tired along with the feeling of utter discontentment but with no will to change my life. As touched upon on the previous post about growth; I was in a period of utter turmoil in my life which was fuelled by my mental health but also fuelled my mental health in the same way.
I decided to take a few huge, but contextually 'quick-fix' decisions to help relieve the immediate pressure on my mental health. Toxic relationships of several natures were cut off and I left university for a period of 2 weeks and for 2 weeks of my easter break to try and calibrate back at home.
Most of those around me would have noticed a drastic change around this time in that I was 'glowing' and appeared to have a new lease for life. Which, in many ways I really did, but also it was only half the story. The smile on my face was far more genuine that it had been in previous months, but, in reality, I knew that I had only fought half the battle in regard to what was happening in my head.
I found myself 'living my best life' and on social media it appeared that I was living a mostly perfect life. Yet, the reality was that I was still sleeping 10+ hours a day and forcing myself to leave my bed, sometimes with tears in my eyes, and I was still constantly being surrounded by negative thoughts. Negative energy had been removed but the thoughts they left behind had not.
Through the summer, the help of travelling along with working mostly full time with honestly the most amazing team, I found myself with space and time to tackle the demons in my head. Having had therapy earlier in my life I used the skills I had learnt to battle my anxiety to battle these negative thoughts. I allowed myself to process the emotions of what my life had entailed in the last roughly 3-4 years and allowed myself to grieve or feel anger or resentment. Once I had done that I then focused on trying to leave these negative thoughts and energy in the past by focusing on my present. Life had long been a day to day struggle but I attempted to flip that into just taking my blessings day by day.
Returning to university in September for my second year I found myself with in a sort of fresh setting with exciting opportunities. The development over the summer had taught me that I had several issues relating to self esteem, confidence and body confidence, however, I refused to let them cloud my day to day thoughts. I begun to strike a balance of immersing myself in work to distract myself but also ensuring that I gave myself time to focus on myself and ensure that I attempted to understand why I was feeling the way I was.
This sounds like some recovery story with self help; when actually depression never really goes away. It's constantly there in the back of your mind and surrounds most day to day thoughts. Today I had a shit day to be frank. I didn't manage to make it out of the house and found myself sleeping in order to try and evade thoughts in my head for a few hours. But, that's not the case all the time. Accepting that I was suffering with depression, mostly triggered by my anxiety, and understanding why I was feeling so finished with life has enabled me to not only become educated on the issue but also help me to deal with it on a daily basis.
Depression doesn't have a stigma and it is more than likely that a loved one you know is suffering with it. I am always beyond grateful for the support system I have, but you can have genuinely the most amazing life and still have to combat your mental health alone. At a point last year I didn't think I was going to make my twentieth birthday and I'm pretty sure that no-one knew at the time. I have and continue to have periods of time where I disconnect from everyone around me because depression can make you so selfish. It can consume you to the point that you don't care or have the inability to care about those around you. For that I am sorry to everyone in my life that it has affected without them knowing, but also I will no longer apologise for prioritising my mental health.
But also I am no less of a person or less of the person I was, am and will continue to be. Yes, I suffer with depression and anxiety, but they do not define me. You can still be highly functional whilst suffering and this is not a sympathy or a justification post. It's a proud post. I'm proud to say that I am still here, still functioning, still achieving my goals and slowly working towards becoming happier within myself day by day. Knowing you're not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel could save those when they need it most. Depression is often the un-talked about D word but it's not a death sentence if we start a conversation among average people suffering.
If you are suffering or feel affected by issues in this post here are some helpful numbers:
Anxiety UK - 03444775774 and www.anxietyuk.org.uk
CALM (for men aged between 15-35) - 0800585858 and www.thecalmzone.net
MIND - 03001233393 and www.mind.org.uk
(If you're in the UK there are more on the NHS website)
Sandy x
Depression.
Now as someone of South Asian descent and being a woman; it has been incredibly difficult to decide to write this post. The notions around mental health within the South Asian community and, separately but also intertwined, the notions around women and mental health deserve their own post in order to understand the complexity and issues surrounding both topics. However, this is not that post.
Depression is not confined to one gender, faith, race, sexual orientation or anyone. WHO (World Health Organisation) estimate that around 300 million people, globally, suffer from depression. And I would be one out of those 300 million.
For years I have talked openly about my battle with anxiety, which I have suffered with for around 6 years, but the last year and a half have been a far more testing time for my mental health. Often those who suffer with anxiety find themselves going through depressive episodes, but sometimes it can further manifest into longer periods of depression.
Around January 2018 I found myself in a far more negative mindset than what I was used to. Increasingly as I headed towards March I found myself unable to leave my bed most days, the inability to either eat or the desire to eat until the point of being nauseous, and at the forefront I had no desire to live or for life. I found myself unexplainably tired along with the feeling of utter discontentment but with no will to change my life. As touched upon on the previous post about growth; I was in a period of utter turmoil in my life which was fuelled by my mental health but also fuelled my mental health in the same way.
I decided to take a few huge, but contextually 'quick-fix' decisions to help relieve the immediate pressure on my mental health. Toxic relationships of several natures were cut off and I left university for a period of 2 weeks and for 2 weeks of my easter break to try and calibrate back at home.
Most of those around me would have noticed a drastic change around this time in that I was 'glowing' and appeared to have a new lease for life. Which, in many ways I really did, but also it was only half the story. The smile on my face was far more genuine that it had been in previous months, but, in reality, I knew that I had only fought half the battle in regard to what was happening in my head.
I found myself 'living my best life' and on social media it appeared that I was living a mostly perfect life. Yet, the reality was that I was still sleeping 10+ hours a day and forcing myself to leave my bed, sometimes with tears in my eyes, and I was still constantly being surrounded by negative thoughts. Negative energy had been removed but the thoughts they left behind had not.
Through the summer, the help of travelling along with working mostly full time with honestly the most amazing team, I found myself with space and time to tackle the demons in my head. Having had therapy earlier in my life I used the skills I had learnt to battle my anxiety to battle these negative thoughts. I allowed myself to process the emotions of what my life had entailed in the last roughly 3-4 years and allowed myself to grieve or feel anger or resentment. Once I had done that I then focused on trying to leave these negative thoughts and energy in the past by focusing on my present. Life had long been a day to day struggle but I attempted to flip that into just taking my blessings day by day.
Returning to university in September for my second year I found myself with in a sort of fresh setting with exciting opportunities. The development over the summer had taught me that I had several issues relating to self esteem, confidence and body confidence, however, I refused to let them cloud my day to day thoughts. I begun to strike a balance of immersing myself in work to distract myself but also ensuring that I gave myself time to focus on myself and ensure that I attempted to understand why I was feeling the way I was.
This sounds like some recovery story with self help; when actually depression never really goes away. It's constantly there in the back of your mind and surrounds most day to day thoughts. Today I had a shit day to be frank. I didn't manage to make it out of the house and found myself sleeping in order to try and evade thoughts in my head for a few hours. But, that's not the case all the time. Accepting that I was suffering with depression, mostly triggered by my anxiety, and understanding why I was feeling so finished with life has enabled me to not only become educated on the issue but also help me to deal with it on a daily basis.
Depression doesn't have a stigma and it is more than likely that a loved one you know is suffering with it. I am always beyond grateful for the support system I have, but you can have genuinely the most amazing life and still have to combat your mental health alone. At a point last year I didn't think I was going to make my twentieth birthday and I'm pretty sure that no-one knew at the time. I have and continue to have periods of time where I disconnect from everyone around me because depression can make you so selfish. It can consume you to the point that you don't care or have the inability to care about those around you. For that I am sorry to everyone in my life that it has affected without them knowing, but also I will no longer apologise for prioritising my mental health.
But also I am no less of a person or less of the person I was, am and will continue to be. Yes, I suffer with depression and anxiety, but they do not define me. You can still be highly functional whilst suffering and this is not a sympathy or a justification post. It's a proud post. I'm proud to say that I am still here, still functioning, still achieving my goals and slowly working towards becoming happier within myself day by day. Knowing you're not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel could save those when they need it most. Depression is often the un-talked about D word but it's not a death sentence if we start a conversation among average people suffering.
If you are suffering or feel affected by issues in this post here are some helpful numbers:
Anxiety UK - 03444775774 and www.anxietyuk.org.uk
CALM (for men aged between 15-35) - 0800585858 and www.thecalmzone.net
MIND - 03001233393 and www.mind.org.uk
(If you're in the UK there are more on the NHS website)
Sandy x
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